How I shot the Politically Incorrect Postal Match. A true story.

I decided to shoot the match, simulating an old time Indian tiger hunt.

To do this, many things needed to be gathered. Firstly, a weapon.

My weapon of choice of course, is my very rare, and extremely expensive Howdah pistol.
(A gift from my wife... Morgan Fairchild)

Unfortunately at the time of the simulation, my howdah pistol was unavailable, as it was away at the gunsmith, having it's howdocilator re-aligned. Something else would have to take it's place.


My fall back weapon was, my Webley Mark VI, chambered in .455 Mark II.
(The British must like Marks.)


I decided I would dress the part of a British officer, hunting on holiday in the sub continent. For this I acquired period clothing as to fit the part as well as possible.
Here I am, dressed to the nines, spot on authentic and shockingly handsome.
(In retrospect, the Hitler mustache was a poor choice.)
Properly outfitted, I decided to focus on the shooting platform. After several unsuccessful trips to Lowes, Home Depot, as well as the local IKEA, I came to unfathomable realization that I am unable to purchase a proper howdah locally. The closest thing found, being a Tuareg, or camel saddle. Briefly I contemplated changing themes to a hunt for North African desert lynx, or "Itafah" as they call them in Arabia.
However, at this point I'd grown attached to my pith helmet, and decided to stay with the tiger hunt. A trip to the local library found a book titled Howdahs at home for fun and profit. by Charles W. Heldernswitch. Armed with this, I returned to Home Depot and purchased all the necessary items to build my own howdah.

In no time at all I had my howda completed. Now of course came the hard part. The biggest problem faced. What good is an elephant basket, without an elephant? Where does one find an Indian elephant? (outside of India if course)
The zoo!
I phoned the nearest zoo that houses elephants. That being the Bronx Zoo in New York City. Now when one hears the name "The Bronx Zoo", one conjures up the mental image of depressed animals, stuffed in dingy, ill maintained cages with the paint peeling off the bars. Animals with graffiti on them, and gum in their hair. Well having been there on a school trip in the 5th grade, I'll have you know it's just not true. I've always tried to dispel misinformation about the Bronx Zoo, and thus being a long time supporter of said zoo, I thought perhaps that might curry favor. Sadly it did not. Alan Weeks of the the public relations department informed me that the zoo does not and will not rent out it's animals. What a pity.

Next stop.. the circus! A good idea, however the circus wasn't in town and I was out of luck. I returned to my computer to surf the web in search of pachyderms for hire. I did find several places that rented elephants. The closest one being in Thailand. With the postal match's deadline coming up quickly, I ruled out flying to Thailand, or having an elephant shipped here. I'd decided to fall back to plan B.

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